1st! wow, surprised to see two posts so close together...off to read!

Ok this is hilarious. I don't find Rafa's clay dominance boring probably because I am a fan. Still hoping for some close matches at some point this season.

Can't decide,if this is vicious or cute. But I have to give you this, Pete:
It's a riot; just, what we needed after all of yesterdays bickering!

This is a terrible post.

I predict a lot of people are going to hate this piece :)

Brown defeated Wawrinka in Munich with deciding set being 7-5

Seriously I don't remember Bodo writing this sort of silly post when Fed was wining left and right, losing only 4-5 matches per year, winning 3 slams per year. And when Djoker is doing 26-0. There is no need for this patronizing tone even when trying to be funny and tougue in cheek.

This is funny..I think a player has made it to being a legend, when people try to say "stop playing, we get it how good you are!".

When Roger was in his peak, pretty sure people went the same way...that he was boring and we didn't need to see how good he was over and over again. Didn't Roddick once call Roger "a f something d something" at the net after Roger had defeated him again. And Roddick once said in the presser that he tried to push Roger over and injure him in the lockeroom (he was kidding).

Dominance always gets boring infinitely whoever it is, but its always a nice buildup. To the upset.

Wow....
pure satire.....
really flexing that comedy muscle.....
I think Bodo's been reading my stuff. He even pinched the bit about Tonya Harding. I called it "pull a Gillooly on Rafa's knees with a wrench." I don't blame him though. It was funny. Kudos, Petey. EASILY your best piece that I've read and I've read more than I care to admit.

This post does has a bit patronizing tone and keep going for quite a while, so it can look a bit off-putting for most of people (including me). But obviously Rafa-haters will love this.

wilson75, you could be right:) Why, as a Roger fan, do I have a profound sense of deja vu??

ladyjulia,

what's ""a f something d something" Give me more hints, please~. I get the f word, but what's the rest?

ugh!! what was the point of the post? it was terrible.

Nice to see Pete putting his snark into some proper satire. This should happen a lot more often.

BTW, doesn't clayface has like 8 versions and didn't they all die (8 since it has to replace the previous dead one with a different dude)? Anyway, as for Ferru and other Spanish minions, they can't beat Fed and Djoker on clay anyway even if Rafa weren't around. Sure, maybe they could win Barcelona 500 like last year, but they wouldn't be winning Rome, Madrid, and RG, that's for sure.

C'm on Elderstatesman/formerly the cry baby;
This was sreamingly funny and of course vicious as hell. I'd take it as a grudging compliment for Rafa.
And at least, now we can again all bash Pete instead of fellow TWers.

okay then, I request! Please give me a proper satire piece on Djoker and his unsportman-like 26-0 streak. It made Fedal look really bad, you know. At least Rafa now has clay to shine. But what about Fed! He looks like a dried up pickel because of stupid Djoker! He now even loses to Tuna Melzer in straight! gah~~.

haha. Nice job, Pete. Very funny! and I might not entirely agree, but hey, everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

Just hoping the rest of my fellow Rafa fans don't go overboard.

I feel a Fedal coming soon. :)

I see it as a homage to Nadal nevertherless. Poor David!

Nordic Light,

oh unfortunately had to switch back to my former monkier Crybaby as Elderstateman was a bit mouthful and fingerful to type for me and others to try to address me.... Darn. oh well.

Fun post.

Clayface...lol.

Nice article. Nadal is to clay court tennis as aneasthetics are to patients. He is killing it with boredom. Interest and viewership would probably be twice as high were he not there.

Nadal's clay reign: Ugly Domination. That is the essential problem. His tennis is tedious, not attractive or beautiful like Federer's. Who except Rafaphile KADS wants to watch the same boring pop-and-spin Fest again and again and again. It is repetitive and dull.

Nadal has singlehandedly destroyed interest in what should be an exciting and fun part of the tennis season. He is killing fan interest and he is essentially tolerated, not particularly liked by most discerning tennis observers. Basically, his wins are greeted with a 'ho-hum' and 'who cares?' reaction.

The most enthusiastic and genuinely excited and happy reaction to a Nadal clay match was when Soderling beat him in Paris in 2009. When Federer beats him, the worldwide delight is deafening.
If Federer ever beats Nadal at the French Open, it would be the most happy and popular result in tennis history.

For the good of clay tennis and to keep tennis fans awake, I hope Rafa's dismal clay reign ends immediately. Tomorrow would not be too soon.

Crybaby,

I will get banned if i write what that d was for. If I remember correctly it was d---head. Let me see if this slips by the moderators.

Andy was joking ofcourse at the net. Roger just laughed it off.

Very funny! I have the same sentiment, that Rafa is now so dominant on clay, there is no suspense or drama. Ferrer was playing great in the Barca final, but still couldn't manage to get a set.

Stan the man loses to Dustin Brown. Looks like Delpo is also trying to find his clay feet.

He he. Nicely done, Pete. Tim's going to love it. :)

I feel for the tennis writers. The men's game the past few years has provided quite a challenge to find new angles. How many different ways can you say Roger is great? Not to the same degree off clay, but obviously the same problem with Rafa.

Crybaby, I know,
Well, I was willing to give you and Fed your due; let's revisit this in a couple of years.

Diversion

http://i53.tinypic.com/20kys78.jpg

Please no Fedals after last night!!!!!

Cliff's notes: "Rafa stop winning because I have nothing good to write about for two months during clay season and page views are down. "

I was hoping Tigress would show up to lighten the mood. She never disappoints. :)

Well, credit Rafa for his clear excellence in tennis...more than just on clay.

However, if his game on clay looked like Guga's on clay then the dominance would be a lot more fun. But alas, no such fortune.

ladyjulia
oh I see. I get it. he he he. But I don't think Swiss Fed would understand that word? I bet he just laughed without getting offended, some of it due to not understanding it entirely. Well if there is anyone who deserve to say to Fed, it'd be Roddick all right. What is it, 20-2 or something? Man. that's dreadful.

Crybaby,

I think Roger knows a lot of swear words in English. Darren Cahill once attended a match between Hewitt and Federer when they were juniors and he said Fed was swearing profusely in English. Maybe because his coach couldn't speak german or swiss german.

Also, Roddick said that when Fed still had a pony tail. So, i think it was 2004. Roddick probably had no idea what was coming then. I think that's why he could joke about it then.

Crybaby: I'm sure Roger did understand it. He is known to use the very word on occasion:)

BTW, maybe Mr Bodo could just copy and past last year's madrid final post and last few year's rome final posts, should Rafa win those two (I doubt that he could win both, though). So what's the matter. It'd like getting paid for doing nothing! Heck, I'd take that. No one will notice it anyhow. The same old, the same old~. Just change some numbers here and there, voila! Free month salary in the pocket.

Never heard about the clay faces; they all get killed.... the Spanish bulls also get always killed in the end.... not fair; I always thought, that this metapher doesn't describe Rafa on clay very well.

This has an interesting edge to it, like Pete is writing to the good looking, popular athlete who gave him a hard time in high school.

I got a few laughs out of it specially the "Give you wedgies that have left you kind of paranoid about them for life?" bit.

I hope my fellow Rafa fans can see the humour in this.

:))

Charming, Pete. Well, at least Rafa is not playing this week. There will be two more ATP clay court champs. David Ferrer might have had a field day.

Caroline,

Thx for the photo. I thought Roger was practicing in Madrid.

BTW 2, Rafa is like European Donald Young, except that well he is not. But they both stayed with and is stil coached by a family member. Didn't Rafa's parents refused Spanish federation to send Rafa to barcelona, which resulted them cutting funds and Rafa's father had to pay with his own pocket money? And both are lefty. Similar height, both over 6 feet, although DY is barely. Both started pro career real soon. But the similarity ends there.

"You need to re-invent yourself, and stepping away from the clay would be a good start."

This part is even funnier!! Step away from the clay and reinvent yourself like winning 2 Wimbledons and AO and USO apiece!

This fellow Rafafan always enjoys a good spoof.

ladyjulia: I think it's a little early for Roger to be in Madrid.

this is funny... Well done...

Stan lost? bummer.....

Caroline... thanks for that...

Good grief

I just read the Racquet Reaction from Nadal/Ferrer. Most jaw dropping discourse this site has probably ever seen and I missed it. PEOPLE....you must read it if you haven't. Take Tigress's most angry post, times it by 200 and you get....MSF. It's an almost unfathomable new low. And SamE was there. She and I could've had a ball with it. As it was she had a ball without me. Again. Nuts!

Thanks, Sherlock (maybe, possibly. hopefully). :))

BTW, I never engage in the ultimate heavy downers by insulting and attacking other posters. As has been happening around here recently when I was gone.

Fed has 16 and I'm feeling light. I'll be light as a feather when he gets #17. I'll be light as nitrous oxide when Nadal loses his second match at Roland Garros. And most of the world will be cheering with me both times.

Nam1,
don't be silly. Rafa is no Fed. I don't think he can win more than 3 hard court slams for next 3 years. Fed is unique in that he has 4 AO, 6 Wimby, and 5 US open.

BP, you were sorely missed on that thread, believe me!!

"Fed is unique in that he has 4 AO, 6 Wimby, and 5 US open."

Whatever happened to that FO?

BP,
we missed you last night. Just think about all the lost material!

ladyjulia,
well, 1 FO is like a sore thumb. Sure it completed the grand slam, but compare to other three 4+ pieces, it looked puny. Hence I omitted. It's not like Graf's, you know. The woman has 4+ on every major.

Tigress, he he. You know I can't resist giving you a bad time. :)

I find it hard to get too up or down either way about Fed and Rafa anymore. How many slams and millions do two young men need? :)

I'm having more fun thinking and reading about Donald Young today than I am Rafa.

"Federer knows a lot of swearwords in English." lol. I believe overall, English is definitely the international lingua franca of cursing...

BP - I have been meaning to say that your company is delightful here. A smile a post.

I'm just reposting a comment on the Young debacle in case the other thread has ended:

One more thing on Young - if the USTA had abruptly canceled their play off plans and given Young the FO wild card, there would have been uproar about him getting it (after many such opportunities) instead of Ryan Harrison who also won a challenger this spring and had a good IW (although not much else this year and lost in the 1st round in the Sarasota Challenger this week). Their records are pretty alike this year but since Harrison is younger and has had fewer wild cards so far (although many more than some), I think a lot of people would have been quick to say it should have been him.

Plus the USTA started the playoff for the wc in part because of criticism with their playing favorites with who they chose.
(Not to say other parts of what they are doing aren't worth some skepticism, but on this specific matter it seems they were on the right side.)

"I'll be light as nitrous oxide when Nadal loses his second match at Roland Garros."

Tigress, even if it happens...it will *only* be his second match. And he's been playing since 2005. Glad you pointed that out. That is astounding.

"prelapsarian Tiger Woods" -- that's a good one.

I've been avoiding scrolling last night's posts having seen the post-mortem....

C-notes expressed the same sentiment by the way: "....not that I'm rooting against you, Rafa. I'm just not paying a lot of attention to you right now".

The lost material?.....you're not kidding! It's killing me!

ladyjulia, as fas as I know Roger said in Monte Carlo that he was going home to Switzerland to practice. He said that if the weather was bad he'd practice on clay indoors and then probably go to Madrid early. The weather has been glorious so I guess he would stay in Switzerland until the weekend.

The photo was taken in Zurich.

Caroline,

Oh ok. He has final points to defend at Madrid, right?

"BP, you were sorely missed on that thread, believe me!!"

like a trailer park stares forlornly at that tornado two miles away

Crybaby,
Does Rafa win all the Wimbys and FOs though those 3 years and we can have a Rafa grass court domination satire? in 3 years, Rafa has 8 FOs, 5 Wimbys and 5 hard court slams. I will take that. :)
Disclaimer: I so don't think that is going to happen.

Thank you Pete.

Rafa is single-handedly killing clay tennis.

He lacks variety in his clay game. Murray (laugh if you want) has a lot of variety on clay. I really enjoyed watching him play (while injured) against Rafa at Monte Carlo.

If Rafa had the variety of Murray (or Roger) i would surely watch and support him as he dominates.

Nicely done Pete, I always enjoy a bit of satire on my lunch break.

Tigress, I have to agree with you, the WTA is so much better now that all the old reliable champions like the Williams sisters, Henin and Clijsters are either on the sidelines or retired.

Long live whoever the hail is winning over there these days

Thank goodness foolish Rafa played Barcelona again this year (unlike last year). 4 tournaments in 5 weeks! Very possibly he's over-scheduled again himself and will wear down or break down again.

Then we'll start hearing the usual (except last year) whining from Nadal about how overpacked and unfair the clay season scheduling is. When he did it to himself!

It's all as predictable a clockwork (Swiss clockwork, that is).

Let's hope that Madrid and Rome are actually competitive and, thus, interesting.

Tigress,

You are spot on.

Rafa will over-schedule then he will b____ about the schedule being too arduous.

And of course once he physically breaks down we gonna here the nonsense about Rafa can't lose unless he is injured blah blah

deeps.
unfortunately, Rafa can't defend any non-clay tournament title. He has NEVER done it. Never. Not even a 250. So sadly kiss the 5 wimby dream goodbye. He doesn't seem to have problem winning some of those more than once, though, so that gives a little hope.

Texastennis: Ryan Harrison didn't take part in the playoffs. He prefers to go to Paris to qualify which I think is the more sensible thing to do. If Harrison was to get the WC over Young there would've been an uproar as well because Young is ranked higher than him.

Pete, very funny.

The problem is, you mean it :-(

With your resumé, you are supposed to be able to appreciate good tennis, not just tight matches.

I give to you that Rafa does not give us many tight matches on clay.

But you also have to give to me that he gives us lots of good tennis!

Arguably the best clay-court tennis ever. And you cannot genuinely enjoy it? Then I'm sorry, because that means you will not be able to write any good stuff on him even if you try. And writing good stuff is what you want to do. No?

Many of us, and not only Spaniards, love to see him play. It's a thing of a beauty (even if others, you included, cannot see that beauty --trust we are not lying when we say it).

Fortunately Rafa will only go when he loses the "illusion" to improve, compete and win.

Hey Kwaku

I dare ya to get in Pete's face and say that like a man!

(on behalf of msf)

Rafa's best chance to defend a non-clay tournament may come in Wimby, especially he has a dominant clay season and don't break down like he did in 2009. Other than Wimby, it's only US open and Tokyo. Tokyo is known to have the fastest outdoor surface. He barely won that last year after Troiski choked and then choked some more in SF. With US open serve, no less. Now with the serve AWOL, I don't like his chance of defending either of those fast hard courts. I always thought the best chance for him to defend one would be IW, but he kept losing after winning there the year before.

Rafa may defend Wimby. The rest of the field at the moment does not look so great if Novak is really hurt - which I doubt. Fed is looking creaky and Delpo, rusty. Soderling hurt. Roddick on the slide. Murray.

As for the toxic RR thread, I was very impressed with length of the posts.Essays. (And of course, the duel) I am such a poor typist, after 5 lines I am tired. No wonder things got strained. Everyone was so into it.

ladyjulia, yes, 600 points. Novak didn't play last year so has no points to defend.

Now I'm off to do some royal wedding watching. Today's story is that Westminster Abbey will be decorated with all sorts of native flowers from the royal estates and an avenue of trees, some of them 20 feet high!!! Apparently the Prince of Wales is going to plant them at his home afterwards to commemorate the day.

Last night was a bit like a family gathering when resentment that has been building up for years, even decades, finally boils over. Very painful.

Crybaby,
So 8 FOs (subtracting one for injury), 3 Wimbys and 5 hard court slams. The deal is still on.

BP, lol.
I think Pete knows I respect him, no matter how direct my criticisms to him are occasionally.
And please don't direct people to you-know-where, it was an embarrassment for everyone involved. Me included.

This is just the first week on clay for a lot of these players. I would be surprised if they had the same form 2 months from now.

I imagine that it is a thing of beauty in the sense that it is a thing of national pride. Is it really a thing of beauty beyond that? Really now?

*blank look*

I kept waiting for the punch line but didn't find any. Since so many people seemed to find it funny -both Fed and Rafa fans (and probably fans of other players) I know the problem lies with me.

Even as a Federer fan, I couldn't make sense of this post/letter. What was the point? I obviously missed it.

Can't help but to think of Steve's post 'stunners' and realize that whether Pete meant this to be funny or serious (I haven't a clue which one it is) he really doesn't seem to get Rafael Nadal. I'm not the biggest fan of clay tennis but I would admire anyone achieving what Nadal has achieved on this surface, in the same way I appreciate Federer's dominance at the USO and Wimbledon or the dominance of those great players of yesteryear... *shrugs while walking away*

"The problem is, you mean it :-("

oh yeah, nothing scream 'sincerity' like: "You don't really look like a stoner to me, Rafa, but when it comes to playing on clay you might consider the wisdom of Nancy Reagan, who advised many of us to "Just Say No.""

thebigapple, if it were just national pride, there would be no Rafa fans out of Spain. But there are many, and they love to see him play.

Kwaku

No No No. We need to be aware of what went down and who said what. I'm astonished. The guy's been in a snit for months, seemed to be coming out of it and then.....this. I got suspended 4 times for infractions that weren't one hundreth this bad. How he can he ever show his face around here again? It's that bad. You come off fine. Anyone would. Even if they were horrible. It's that bad. Unbelievable, I'm gonna go read it again.

x-fan,
the optic trick here is, that you can read it i multiple ways:
-a tribute to rafa's otherworldly excellence on the red stuff
-an accusation, to have killled single handedly the clay saison
-an accusation to have cheated Fed out of 2 well deserved year slams
-supernova(k) to the rescue!

"And please don't direct people to you-know-where, it was an embarrassment for everyone involved. Me included."

Kwaku,
you did no wrong. It was "you know where" who is to blame. I'm just reading the posts earlier this am.

Kwakau, I suppose you are right.

So, what kind of weapon are you selecting for the duel?

Hint..msf's head appears to be soft. of course, he is a crazy (expletive starting with m) so I would avoid eyecontact. Makes em wild.

I suppose I should not have written that.

Actually, Kwaku, I do not know any Rafa fans in person. Fed in contrast, I can name tons.

"*blank look*

I kept waiting for the punch line but didn't find any. Since so many people seemed to find it funny -both Fed and Rafa fans (and probably fans of other players) I know the problem lies with me."

x-fan, not at all. Some parts were funny but like I said, there was an edge to it rather like Pete was being sarcastic (some said vicious).

I just think Rafa has won so much that, like Fed, we have to expect this aspect to be focused on.

If I had to respond seriously , I would say, umm yeah, it's supposed to be a competition, what should he do, hand over the match to his opponent? Play badly? Suck it up people, he's here to win.

" I do not know any Rafa fans in person. Fed in contrast, I can name tons"

Thats funny, its exactly the opposite with me.

BP,
you got banned 4 times?.. gee I never noticed. I guess, you can't tell me what for without getting banned again,lol.
I guess, the raquet reaction thread is not supervised. So if one wants to have a good fight, that is probably the place to go.

Safe to say we know different people. That is good, hmmm!

bigapple, absolutely...different strokes and all that!!

Actually all it proves is that we hang out with folks who think alike and have similar likes in athletes. :))

BP,

I did suggest "swords or pistols at dawn". But no one listened.

I actually find this blog of Pete funny, and I'm a big Rafa fan. But if Roger is Batman, Rafa is not his Clayface (Two-Face is Batman's adversary-for those not familiar with the cartoon character). More like the
Man of Steel (or clay).....got it?

I think BP appeared under different names and took a long time to be TW-trained. Finally, now, he is universally popular after a few rough spots. BP was actually funnier back then but also less likely to pamper to the previaling opinion.

Of course, I may have mixed this BP up with more tart/acidic but free-thinking spirits that floated around here in the past.

I thought Pete was mocking the TWibe, not Rafa. Which is why I found it funny.

"I guess, the raquet reaction thread is not supervised. So if one wants to have a good fight, that is probably the place to go."

Nordic Light,
I would have gotten in the fray because I also live In Cali and would have loved to "discuss and meet" but Easter Sunday just pass by and I'm really trying to be "obedient" to HIM

Nam1,
I'd be taking the swords, but only, if BP comes with me as my secundant and writes a wonderful poem for posterity.

Wasn't BP also called Lump of Kohlsomething and before that G.O.D?

He was not banned for abusing anyone, just some risque posts, as far as I can recall.

"(Two-Face is Batman's adversary-for those not familiar with the cartoon character)"

so is Clayface

"an accusation, to have killled single handedly the clay saison"

I think that's a compliment. I think that is legendary. How often do players do that?